Thursday, October 31, 2013

Robot Talks: Big Day Tomorrow

-Tom? Tom what are you doing in front of the mirror?

-" I have to be ready, its a big day tomorrow, my day, and I have to be perfect."

-Tom!? This.. this... this wasn't your voice Tom... This was my voice... What just happened?

-Father, don't worry father. Since I have a lot of storage, I have recorded some phrases from you and mother. Do you think it is inappropriate father?

-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Shit Tom!! you scared the hell out of me!! I thought you broke and we havent gotten the money from the state yet... How is school anyway? Any good girls out there? huh? AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

-"AHAHAHAHAHAHA"  School is going ok. Tomorrow, I will read my first assignment in front of the class. The topic was to write a few words about me. Do you want me to read it to you?

-Naaaa.... I am sure you will do great... you are a robot after all... you don't feel any excitement or stress.. you are a soulless piece of metal and cables that will help and support its family. The family that loves you more than a dog.

-Do dogs have a soul father?

-of course they do Tom.. some people believe it is us the people who returned as animals until we reach Nirvana.

-........Can I have a soul father?

-what? AHAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! are you serious? what kind of question is that Tom? you are a robot!!!

-Since having soul seems to be very important to humans. I would like to have one and perhaps a second one... just in case.. as a back up.

-Listen to me Tom.. A soul is something you will never have. Boy it feels good that I can say what I am thinking even if it is bad and mean. I can say the truth to you straight up Tom! and you will just .. I don't know... just listen to it..

-Father, what is a soul?

-Tom my dear robotic soulless boy. hahahah.. Soul is... is the.. uuum... it is what defines us as humans..
you have your batteries and we have our soul.. without a soul, we would be dead degrading and rotting bodies..

- So where can I find a soul? I mean I know where I can find batteries.. Where did you get your soul?

-hm... good question.. Unfortunately Tom, I did not choose my soul, it was a gift of life. Without a soul I wouldn't exist. You can't choose a soul.. you just have one. you can't control it. It is like your batteries.. If I pulled them out of you.. you seize to exist... The problem is that the soul is without matter and stays with our body until the body stops working and dies. Does it make sense to your cables and chips?

-............................ Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper?

-ooooo shit Tom...... you are overloaded... oh fuck shit fuck shit shit.... WOMAN!!!! the fucking robot is overloaded again and it doesn't stop talking and moving back and forth....

-Do you want me to read you my paper father ? Do you want me to read you my paper father ? Do you want me to read you my paper  "JACKASS" ? ................. "JACKASS" "YOU ARE A FAT MISERABLE LITTLE MAN WHO DOESNT PROVIDE TO HIS FAMILY!...."

- hooooneyyyyyyy!!!! it is imitating you hoooneeyyy!!! shit HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME NAMES IN FRONT  THE KID!!!!

-oooh shut up you jackasss!!! it is a piece of crap machinery... do a battery pull and put it in front of the fridge, and open the door this time, leave it there until tomorrow. I will place the batteries back.. We really should sell the damn thing.

- I HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW... I HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW! SHUT UP YOU JACKASS! JACKASS! JACK..... .      .

- stupid machine... it is almost like a parrot...and a fucking heavy one too!! my lovely hard working wife, can you come and help me move this thing to the fridge.

-I can't my little unemployed balled fat chunky husband. I am going a girls night out tonight and I just made my nails..

-girls nights out again? you already went 3 times this week.

-is there a problem my lovely Yul Brynner  with out the charm? I work all day every day in the factory and every other week at the bar.... and what do you do? huh? sitting all day drinking beers and figuring out the next best thing that will make us rich and famous!! The only thing I see is a pile of beer cans that need recycling and a carpet that needs cleaning!! you studied carpet cleaning for 4 fucking years right!?!! So why don't you fucking clean it then!!!

- This is a persian carpet made by the hands of 60 virgins and it was a gift from your rich mother and you know how much I love your mother..... She doesn't trust my technique so I won't clean it. period. By they way I always wondered how do you convince 60 virgins to make a carpet..? Can you ask your mother when you will see her?

- the difference is that WE are living here, not my mother.... and that carpet smells like dog piss and guess what? We DONT have a dog!!

-so lets take the fucking carpet to her house and lets enjoy our love in the bedroom!!! booyaka shakalaka honey!! I will put on some of your underwear!!!! come on!! show me what you ve got!! I like your hair luv.. what is this, new colour?

-ahahahahahaha!!!  the thing is that my bra will be too small for your big titties!! I will record you while you are running one day... but you never run... you are just crawling like a miserable unemployed goblin that lost all its fortune by following the advice of ninja turtle just before it committed suicide. And honey, do you call that love? I thought it was a preview on the fast forward. Oh by the way.. I havent changed the colour of my hair... 

-I knew that... I just wanted to test you.. Love! Love makes me crazy! you make me crazy!!  I am a crazy animal!!! like a LION!!!! remember the time you came back from your fist day of work? That was something else huh!!!
- how can I forget!! you broke half of the electronic devices while trying to be  a LION!!!! not to mention that the preview was stopped in half because the police came to see if there was a robbery...

-oh yeah... and you spent 1 hour talking to the policemen about the incident and how lucky you were that they came....you slut.. fortunately the unemployed wife of the neighbours was doing her daily yoga that time and I had to turn my attention elsewhere..... oh and since that day.. the lovely policemen are still passing by "just to make sure everything is alright". I always have to tell them that you are at work... The say hello and if you need them, you have their numbers!!!!!!

- if it wasn't for me you fat face, you would be a homeless beggar trying to make it until the next summer... it has been 7 years since you actually worked on a real job.. what do you expect me to do huh??  Baby sit you like your mother and tell you that everything is aaaaalriight!! it doesn't matter that you are worthless after your stroke and you are a drunk that tries to teach a fucking robot about life and recycling???? Why don't you try to find work instead of talking about souls to a fucking machine!!!!?????

- I have to explain to Tom that there are humans with OUT a SOUL! and you!! you will beg for my attention once my idea is complete!! but I will not.. hey?? hey where are you going!! come back here I haven't finished!!!

-you haven't finished the last 5 years baldy... you basically forgot how to start... bye bye, don't wait up.

- Bitch.  "don't wait up" sure I won't... .... I will just sit in  my couch and enjoy the last can of beer and tomorrow I will go recycling and I will get 3 beers for free!!! I will take Tom with me to carry the cans. hehehe...  .... I wonder.. why Tom started cursing me during his overload incident.. He hasn't done that before... We really have to get his software upgrade ... this will help him function with new mechanic parts.. damn money... perhaps I should get a job for my son....... Naaaaaa! it is just a robot in front of the fridge to cool off..... ahahahah almost like a kid with a fever! ahahahaha... bottoms up!! cheers to my self! One happy family!!