Robot Talks: Prepare to face more humans.

- Tom,  I have to go to work. You, have to go to school in two hours. See the clock on the wall? when it goes 800 you will start walking... rolling... whatever, to school. Okay? your father slept late last night.. or probably fainted after drinking that old bourbon he had for special occasions.. I can't guess what was the occasion yesterday and I don't really care, so don't rely on him to remind you. Alright Tom?

-Yes mother. everything is alright.

(after mother left, Tom goes in front of the mirror and looks at himself. A few seconds of silence and then)

- Hi... Tom. my name is Tom. Nice to meet you. No I am not human. I am a robot. What is your name?
ahaha. good one. No, I am not hungry. But I will join you for lunch. Basically I don't eat. I don't have digestive instruments inside me. ahahah.. what does it mean? No I can't zoom in with my eyes..
I am supposed to be an 8 year old boy.. No I am not a genius.. .. how about you? do you have any brother or sisters? Are there any other robots in the school? My parents are together yes. No I don't do drugs.
I can clean carpets with a very special way. it is really cool. my father taught me. I can also  carry two large plastic bags of empty beer cans. Did you like my paper? pretty cool huh?
Yea sure! I would love to be your friend! I like school! Thank you for your kind words!
I live just a couple of blocks away. yeah, no bus, just walking. a haha, rolling yes! good one.
So what do you do besides class? any team hobbies? any music bands? really? cool yeah! I will join your band!

....... (while Tom is going to school, he is thinking)

I love school and humans. They embrace my difference. The flawed difference they designed and created. It is a wonderful day to make friends. I will help and assist them anyway I can. I may be many levels below their capabilities but I am sure they can't put their hand into a flaming bush and save a burning cat. I can be a hero to them! They will be proud of what a human can create. Yes.
 That would be awesome. I will make them feel comfortable and cozy. I don't want them to be afraid of me like that Frankenstein movie. After all, humans created me. I have to be grateful to them. I will respect them and play with them and act like a real 8 year old boy. I wonder how the classroom would be like.. Anyhow, it will be fun. Yes. I am sure.

Everything will be great.

Robot Talks: Big Day Tomorrow

-Tom? Tom what are you doing in front of the mirror?

-" I have to be ready, its a big day tomorrow, my day, and I have to be perfect."

-Tom!? This.. this... this wasn't your voice Tom... This was my voice... What just happened?

-Father, don't worry father. Since I have a lot of storage, I have recorded some phrases from you and mother. Do you think it is inappropriate father?

-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Shit Tom!! you scared the hell out of me!! I thought you broke and we havent gotten the money from the state yet... How is school anyway? Any good girls out there? huh? AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

-"AHAHAHAHAHAHA"  School is going ok. Tomorrow, I will read my first assignment in front of the class. The topic was to write a few words about me. Do you want me to read it to you?

-Naaaa.... I am sure you will do great... you are a robot after all... you don't feel any excitement or stress.. you are a soulless piece of metal and cables that will help and support its family. The family that loves you more than a dog.

-Do dogs have a soul father?

-of course they do Tom.. some people believe it is us the people who returned as animals until we reach Nirvana.

-........Can I have a soul father?

-what? AHAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! are you serious? what kind of question is that Tom? you are a robot!!!

-Since having soul seems to be very important to humans. I would like to have one and perhaps a second one... just in case.. as a back up.

-Listen to me Tom.. A soul is something you will never have. Boy it feels good that I can say what I am thinking even if it is bad and mean. I can say the truth to you straight up Tom! and you will just .. I don't know... just listen to it..

-Father, what is a soul?

-Tom my dear robotic soulless boy. hahahah.. Soul is... is the.. uuum... it is what defines us as humans..
you have your batteries and we have our soul.. without a soul, we would be dead degrading and rotting bodies..

- So where can I find a soul? I mean I know where I can find batteries.. Where did you get your soul?

-hm... good question.. Unfortunately Tom, I did not choose my soul, it was a gift of life. Without a soul I wouldn't exist. You can't choose a soul.. you just have one. you can't control it. It is like your batteries.. If I pulled them out of you.. you seize to exist... The problem is that the soul is without matter and stays with our body until the body stops working and dies. Does it make sense to your cables and chips?

-............................ Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper? Do you want me to read you my paper?

-ooooo shit Tom...... you are overloaded... oh fuck shit fuck shit shit.... WOMAN!!!! the fucking robot is overloaded again and it doesn't stop talking and moving back and forth....

-Do you want me to read you my paper father ? Do you want me to read you my paper father ? Do you want me to read you my paper  "JACKASS" ? ................. "JACKASS" "YOU ARE A FAT MISERABLE LITTLE MAN WHO DOESNT PROVIDE TO HIS FAMILY!...."

- hooooneyyyyyyy!!!! it is imitating you hoooneeyyy!!! shit HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME NAMES IN FRONT  THE KID!!!!

-oooh shut up you jackasss!!! it is a piece of crap machinery... do a battery pull and put it in front of the fridge, and open the door this time, leave it there until tomorrow. I will place the batteries back.. We really should sell the damn thing.

- I HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW... I HAVE A BIG DAY TOMORROW! SHUT UP YOU JACKASS! JACKASS! JACK..... .      .

- stupid machine... it is almost like a parrot...and a fucking heavy one too!! my lovely hard working wife, can you come and help me move this thing to the fridge.

-I can't my little unemployed balled fat chunky husband. I am going a girls night out tonight and I just made my nails..

-girls nights out again? you already went 3 times this week.

-is there a problem my lovely Yul Brynner  with out the charm? I work all day every day in the factory and every other week at the bar.... and what do you do? huh? sitting all day drinking beers and figuring out the next best thing that will make us rich and famous!! The only thing I see is a pile of beer cans that need recycling and a carpet that needs cleaning!! you studied carpet cleaning for 4 fucking years right!?!! So why don't you fucking clean it then!!!

- This is a persian carpet made by the hands of 60 virgins and it was a gift from your rich mother and you know how much I love your mother..... She doesn't trust my technique so I won't clean it. period. By they way I always wondered how do you convince 60 virgins to make a carpet..? Can you ask your mother when you will see her?

- the difference is that WE are living here, not my mother.... and that carpet smells like dog piss and guess what? We DONT have a dog!!

-so lets take the fucking carpet to her house and lets enjoy our love in the bedroom!!! booyaka shakalaka honey!! I will put on some of your underwear!!!! come on!! show me what you ve got!! I like your hair luv.. what is this, new colour?

-ahahahahahaha!!!  the thing is that my bra will be too small for your big titties!! I will record you while you are running one day... but you never run... you are just crawling like a miserable unemployed goblin that lost all its fortune by following the advice of ninja turtle just before it committed suicide. And honey, do you call that love? I thought it was a preview on the fast forward. Oh by the way.. I havent changed the colour of my hair... 

-I knew that... I just wanted to test you.. Love! Love makes me crazy! you make me crazy!!  I am a crazy animal!!! like a LION!!!! remember the time you came back from your fist day of work? That was something else huh!!!

- how can I forget!! you broke half of the electronic devices while trying to be  a LION!!!! not to mention that the preview was stopped in half because the police came to see if there was a robbery...

-oh yeah... and you spent 1 hour talking to the policemen about the incident and how lucky you were that they came....you slut.. fortunately the unemployed wife of the neighbours was doing her daily yoga that time and I had to turn my attention elsewhere..... oh and since that day.. the lovely policemen are still passing by "just to make sure everything is alright". I always have to tell them that you are at work... The say hello and if you need them, you have their numbers!!!!!!

- if it wasn't for me you fat face, you would be a homeless beggar trying to make it until the next summer... it has been 7 years since you actually worked on a real job.. what do you expect me to do huh??  Baby sit you like your mother and tell you that everything is aaaaalriight!! it doesn't matter that you are worthless after your stroke and you are a drunk that tries to teach a fucking robot about life and recycling???? Why don't you try to find work instead of talking about souls to a fucking machine!!!!?????

- I have to explain to Tom that there are humans with OUT a SOUL! and you!! you will beg for my attention once my idea is complete!! but I will not.. hey?? hey where are you going!! come back here I haven't finished!!!

-you haven't finished the last 5 years baldy... you basically forgot how to start... bye bye, don't wait up.

- Bitch.  "don't wait up" sure I won't... .... I will just sit in  my couch and enjoy the last can of beer and tomorrow I will go recycling and I will get 3 beers for free!!! I will take Tom with me to carry the cans. hehehe...  .... I wonder.. why Tom started cursing me during his overload incident.. He hasn't done that before... We really have to get his software upgrade ... this will help him function with new mechanic parts.. damn money... perhaps I should get a job for my son....... Naaaaaa! it is just a robot in front of the fridge to cool off..... ahahahah almost like a kid with a fever! ahahahaha... bottoms up!! cheers to my self! One happy family!! 

Robot talks, First day in School

- Tom,

- Yes father. 

- Tom, there is something you have to do for the next year..  Starting tomorrow

- what is it father?

- you have to go to school.. Like a normal kid.. 

- is it for my education father? 

- no.. They teach old stuff there and the teachers dont care.. It is a public school.. You will not learn anything there.. Well apart security controls and guns.. Drugs wont do you antyhig cause you dont have a third eye to open.. Or an actual brain to destroy..

- Sponx27xY44 has an organic brain.. She told me during the weekly maintenance  at CleeenYourBotToLast garage. 

- well, that is a new model Tom and it doesnt seem that it will last.. They dont make you like they used to.. I can  throw you out of the balcony and nothing will happen to you .. But now with the organic tissues , brains and stuff.. They are becoming more and more fragile... What is the purpose of a robo kid then!?!?

- I woudnt know father..

- anyway, you will have to go to school because we might get child care to maintain you during your education. There is a law that might go through about parents with robokids..  I dont really know what is all about.. Somw parent rights to provide education and something about discrimination of parents... Who cares.. The important thing is that you might earn a few bucks for your parents that they love you more than a dog.

- Does this mean that I will be going on a field trip with the class and I will draw mechanical parts of a super car and sing the national anthem!?!?

- your maintenance was 100% clean and without issues.. What is wrong with you? Yes yes ofcourse! You will do all that in school! Especially if we will get that child care, I will buy you an icecream to throw it away..

- sounds exciting father. What would I need to have with me?

- who the fuck am I to know? A fucking teacher or something?  I am a carpet cleaner out of a job! But you wouldnt know how hard it is to find a job as a catpet cleaner now would you!!?!? I have spent the last 4 years perfecting my expertise before I get a job ! This is the same as going to college!!! And now there are no jobs for my skill " at the moment " ! At the moment my ass.. The robots took over and they suck the dust like machines... 

- father, they are machines...

- thats right!! Machines!! Without emotions and purpose!! That is why Tom you will be educated and start giving back what your alikes took from your loving father.  Financial Prosperity.

- I will father. 

- Brilliant, now plugin to the internet and find the nearest school for tomorrow..

Robot talks

-Father?

- yes Tom.

- why did you created me with mother?

- actually, you have it all wrong Tom..

- what do you mean father?

- we did not create you... We bought you Tom.. Online.

-................................... Why?

- at first, it a was hot thing to do those days.. And we could spend a few bucks for the fun of it... But mainly because you had this skill to fix coffee machines... So we thought we could use you to start a business.. 

- I dont understand.... 

- thats alright Tom.. Neither do we... We did not know that we had to purchase the software that upgrades you to fix the coffee machines... And that one costs Tom.. Not like you... It really costs... 

-.............................. Who created me then?

- a number of people in China. 

-.......... Is China far away?

- no it is not...  For you is just a shutdown and a start up away..

-...... I do not understand...

- it is getting late Tom and you have to recharge.. Tomorrow you have a long day ahead of you.. You have to work and support your family that loves you more than a dog..